My afternoon started out like a slow motion walk through a war zone. I could see the incoming in the distance. But I decided 30 minutes ago that if I want to live in Nicaragua I will have many hit the wall moments and no one is going to be there to pick me up. I also had confessed to my Superman that I had the funk and proceeded to just whine my ass off.
So when I have the funk I listen to music. I will hit a playlist on some piece of technology and wait to be saved. I have a friend with a blog where she says her words are the little life preserver's in her world; mine are songs. So this song popped up and before it was done, I knew I was looking at things the wrong way.
When I was in Africa I had moments of great darkness. I had a million times more moments of great joy. I have some issues right now in life, but it is so silly to think it is the sum of my life. So I guess if I am going to take off and live in a far off land, I better learn that I choose my own frame of reference.
And so... I hear this song and I know... In this moment no matter how draining of a day... no matter what demands are placed on me... We will laugh until we cry on a summer's night, nothing is sweeter that when I am with you. Thanks SUPERMAN for reminding me of the important things today!
This is a song my sister laid at my feet. She said she had a song that reminded her of me...but I am ahead of myself. My sister has always been there. From the time I entered the world, my sister was a part of my life. We grew up in a brick ranch with parents that took a common sense approach to parenting. We weren't tight, we weren't close while growing up. She sat next to me at the dinner table. We didn't fight. We just didn't interact...which really seems odd. I guess sometimes you just have to wait for the things that matter.
But we are both all grown up now. Hell our children are all grown up. Our parents are long gone, as is the distance between us. Some where in our lives we each just turned to the other and it has been all good from there. My sister is amazing. Together we could do anything. She and I compliment each other. Our talents are varied, but well meshed. When we cook a Thanksgiving meal we don't really talk about it. We might work the grocery list together, but once in the kitchen ...we work like a symphony. We just fit. We are in-sync.
I treasure her. She is the voice of reason in my life. She is calm and patient, where I am not. I trust her immensely. That is a pretty simple statement; but really it is so complex. I am pretty hard on myself. I am working on it. When you trust someone completely, like I do my sister, well you can take the biggest truth without question. Here in lies the truth of my love for her. My sister has said some of the most precious things to me. She says them clearly and makes me hear them. I would normally think nothing of these words from a different speaker. Ahhhh but my sister has my complete trust. When she tells me ... that I am rock in times of trouble, I can lay that truth on my heart. When she says I can go to Africa and do this thing, I know I can. When she tells me it is okay to wobble, every one does...I feel more centered. I love my sister, I love myself better because of my sister. I have more love to give because I have more love for myself because of my sister. My sister helps me face the dawn knowing that I can do, I can do what the day asks of me.
I don't look back and regret that we spent our childhood disconnected. It must have been what was needed to bring us to this place. I don't just love her, I adore her. I asked her recently what she thought of my plan to retire early (and poor) and take off to live in Nicaragua. She told me I could do it. I love that she knows my heart even though I desire a very different life from hers.
I guess she knew a long time ago that I would take off to parts of the world less traveled. I dreamed last night that I lived in what appeared to be Nicaragua and my name was Annie Grace. Like Monte sings, I am an Island girl and I walk this world anywhere the wind will take me.
