My mind has been leaning to the negative of late. Sometimes I think I have reason for this, and sometimes I think it is something bigger than the specific events that frustrate me. I am 50 plus 1 year and it is time to figure out what is going on.
My greatest frustration of late is dealing with Dell. If you have ever dealt with them post sale with a problem, well I am sure you know all about cuckoo land. When I say it is my greatest frustration, it is because they frustrate me so I feel like they consume me. They make me be someone I 'don't want to be. Do I really care about 81$ Do I really want to fight. Life is fucking short. And that is my angst. Really... is this the life I want? I don't think so. And just for the record, 81$ isn't the only issue with DELL. FUCK DELL. Seriously pissed off.
I have 8 years before I can retire. Now, that doesn't mean I should. I divorced a man who made good money after 30 years together. I said let me out of here, write a check for $10,000 which he did and I got out. NO REGRETS. But I don't have much in savings. I have a house that will bring in some money each month and a meager pension. Yet, I could retire in 8 years and live a life a good life somewhere in Central America. It is a dream I think. I want to live a more simple life. I don't want to deal with the Dell's in the world.
I went to Africa and volunteered a few years ago. It was hard, I cried. But I still think I want to do this. I want to retire the day I can and go live with less. I want to know me. I want to unchain myself from CNN, Wal-mart, working set hours, POLITICS, people who free-load, freeways, DELL, and a life of preset expectations. I want to go where I have never been and create a life I never imagined. I want life to define me, not me to define life. I want to serve in my own way. I want to make peace with my version of Karma, Peace, Grace and Purpose.
I don't know what I will do, well maybe I don't know exactly how to do what I want to do. But I know this life isn't the only one I want to know. And right now it is sorta grating me on so many levels. Dell just seems to be the safest one to talk about.
So I guess I walk with the plan that I am going. Spanish...I got to learn. Don't spend, save... I can't take the shit I buy with me. I guess I take a trip there to see what it is like. (Nicaragua?, Honduras?, Guatemala?, ???) Dream could end there. I could work on my physical health, get better at plumbing/electrical repair/ how a well works.... so there we go. I guess I got a list of places to start.
I think I got the pissed off blues... but sometimes being pissed off is a great catalyst.
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