I Do Do Do - But I Won't

I Do Do Do - Colbie Caillat

When I heard this song this week, I thought it fit my life which was a surprise to me on many levels.  Since I divorced I haven't been interested in marriage.  As life twists as I have found it often does, I had to come to terms about marriage, being asked, and what do I think about what being asked made me feel.

 My Superman whispered so sexily "Will you marry me" into my ear last week.  It was like silk.  The words came slow, there was a slight purr in his tone.  He had me wrapped up in his arms. It was perfect and like never before my heart stood still for a second and I had never felt so loved .  Then I whispered NO and told him how much I loved him.  Well maybe I just thought that.  I will have to ask him.  This isn''t the first time he has asked me.  This is just the first time it felt real. 

We don't want to get married.  To us we already are by your standards.  We are committed.  We have promised to stand by each other through life's biggest battles.  He will take me home should I want to die in my own bed.  To me that is the ultimate promise.  We do bills and vacations together.  We attend family functions together.  We just don't want to be trapped in legal-ness and cohabitation; our view of marriage. We get that life will change and one might need the other on a daily basis in the future and we have begun to talk about what that will look like.    We believe we have learned from our mistakes and we value our separateness as much as our togetherness. I think we are considered part of a new movement, those living apart, together or LAT's.

We live apart.  We see each other on a schedule but allow for fluctuation in our separate lives.  We negotiate, communicate and seem to navigate this relationship coherently and consciously.  That doesn't sound so romantic and I think that is what caught my heart last week.  See my Superman knows I want to co-habitat/marry less than he does.  He often will ask me to marry him.  We have an agreement, he can ask me, but I am going to say no.  But this week was different.  He ask me with such perfectness that I knew that if he/we were wanting to marry, he would be asking me.  And he would ask me just like that. 

So this week I got to have the joy that every girl has when some one she loves asks her to marry them.  It is a moment when the words are said so lovingly that you melt; they catch in your breath.  I said no in a whispered voice and could feel his smile against my cheek at my response.   Superman and I choose to go a different way.  We are always excited to be together.  We have years together and it is like we are still in those first months of dating. Yet we have developed a very deep love for the other. One that bears the confidence, security and great respect of a long mature marriage.   Yes we have learned from our mistakes.  Not just our own, but each others.

So last week I felt like I had it all.  I had all the love of being loved and all the space to continue to love him and myself.  No matter if you are 18 or or 50 + 18 don't be afraid to define your own path.  Just be happy on the the path you're on.  I love the ease of this journey.  I love the surety of it.  I feel more held at this distance than I ever did up close, bound in a marriage. 

Superman, charcoal shirt, jeans, no shoes, beach ... ask me again.  I will give you the answer I always have ... "No but I will play honeymoon". We can play honeymoon in Key West.  I hope you know how much I love you. Thank you for asking like that...so I know how wonderful it all is, on our terms. I do do do .... But I won't.  :  )